Lent

Posted on February 22, 2012 by kimberly

You are dust, and to dust you shall return.

There’s nothing quite like that verse to keep one humble. I think it comes from Genesis 3…but correct me if I’m wrong.

I’ve been thinking about the approach of Lent for a few weeks now. I’ve been asking myself what it will mean for me, and what I hope to get out of it. Lent is not just a time of “giving something up.” Lent is a journey toward the cross. It’s when we must relive our sins…feeling the slow, heavy footsteps of our savior walking to his suffering and death. It’s a time of repentance. It’s a time where we realize that God is with us through it all…even the toughest of times. Lent is a journey to the cross, but because of who Jesus is and what He did, it is also a journey to salvation.

If we are of dust, and will return to dust…what really matters in this world? What is the point? We can’t take anything with us when we die, right? I wanted my lenten journey to reflect that a bit. I wanted to remind myself of where my priorities really lie. (Or where they should). So I’m doing three things for lent.

1. 40 days of water I’ve been starting to think that maybe I was put on this earth so that I could help as many people as possible. I’m not trying to say that I think I’m the only one who can help people like it’s something super special. I’m just one of many. I’m doing what I can to alleviate poverty and other suffering. So I will give up all beverages except for water, and give the money I would have spent to the Blood:Water Mission so that they can provide clean water for people in Africa who have none.

2. 40 bags of stuff. I got this idea online somewhere. I’ve been feeling a bit cluttered again lately. So to help me remember where my priorities lie, and what is truly important, I am going to fill one bag per day with “stuff” from my home. It might be garbage, or shredded paper from the filing cabinet. It might be clothes for goodwill or kitchen gadgets I rarely use. I’m going to fill one bag per day and get it out of the house to free up room for what is important.

3. Daily prayers. I’m going to read the daily prayers in the morning and in the evening. I’ll be using Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals. I may comment more on this later.

Anyway, I’m not sharing my lenten journey to say “Look at me. Look at what I’m doing.” I think sharing it will help me stay accountable. And maybe by sharing I’ll discover something new about myself or about my journey to the cross.

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Of Negativity and Joy

Posted on February 15, 2012 by kimberly

I feel like I’ve been in a cloud of negativity recently. I don’t know why. There’s nothing really wrong. But I’ve felt a bit down nonetheless. There are a few things that can make it evaporate instantly. Like Elias smiling and saying “Mama” while he holds his arms out to me or shows me a new discovery. Or like a long hug from Nathan where I can feel the tension melting off my body. But even with those moments sprinkled in, the fog of negativity rolls back in. I often don’t like blogging during these periods of negativity because I don’t want this to turn into a place where I whine and gripe about things that won’t even bother me in a few days. But I wanted to force myself to write because I felt like it would help me get out of my funk. So I decided…what better way than to look through my journal of thanks and share a few of the things that have brought me joy. I haven’t shared for awhile so I’ll just choose some of them:

322. Olive stretched out on the carpet, soaking in the sun as if every drop mattered

323. Marveling over bird calls and bright red plumage with Elias

329. Elias patting my back during a hug

334. A working washer and dryer

351. Bare toddler feet

354. Rereading a good book

366. Wind whipping at the flags across the street

370. Excited voices of children running down the hall

375. Getting my first issue of Sojourners magazine

378. Elias putting himself to sleep

381. Grandpa and Elias touching noses

389. Rain blurring on the window

390. Finding a child sponsor

395. G.H. encouraging me in my Child Ambassadorship

397. Olive going crazy chasing a bread tie

398. Long hugs with Nathan

401. Receiving a handwritten letter in the mail

411. The moment when Elias first sees Nathan as he walks home and says, “Daddy”

There are so many more….

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Contraception and Religion

Posted on February 9, 2012 by kimberly

Recently, there has been much controversy over Obama’s new policy on birth control. Basically, it would require everyone, including religious schools and hospitals to provide employees with free contraception.

Now, as someone who has previously used “the pill,” I do believe that women should be able to choose to use it…especially for reasons other than family planning. (Although…taking “the pill” is one of my greatest regrets in life to this day…but that is for another post).

But something about this policy just makes my blood boil. How can people not see the injustice in promoting the “rights” of one group by taking away the “rights” of another? I do agree that women should be able to have access to healthcare…and that may include birth control. However, I also believe that doctors, schools, and other employers should not be forced to contradict their conscience…their beliefs. It is possible to conceive while on “the pill” so handing it out could make Catholics or others against it complicit with terminating a pregnancy.

It seems to me that the problem is not that these organizations do not want to provide birth control. The problem is that women cannot afford-ably get it anywhere else. The problem is that people want a quick and easy fix to a very real problem…but in doing so they are causing more injustice.

I don’t necessarily have a solution right now. Perhaps after more thought I will have one to propose…but in the mean time, let’s stop targeting “the other side” as the bad guys. Women should have the right to choose…but so should Catholics/employers/everyone else.

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Abortion…A Sticky Issue

Posted on February 8, 2012 by kimberly

Abortion is always a tricky, controversial issue. It is also quite polarizing. Staunchly pro-lifers I’ve spoken with often seem to demonize women who have chosen to get an abortion. Pro-choicers I’ve spoken with often seem to demonize those who would take away a woman’s right to privacy, and to make decisions about her own body. There doesn’t seem to be any middle ground. No grey…just black and white.

But I do feel like I see grey. Don’t get me wrong…I am firmly planted in the “pro-life” camp. I believe that all life is sacred. And yes, I do believe that a fetus is a life. I do believe that life begins at conception.

But see…this is where the grey comes in. That is my belief.

As much as I wish that everyone saw things the way I do…as much as I point my finger and say, “abortion is murder,” I have to realize that not everyone believes the same things I do.

My heart cries out for all the children lost. Oh, the injustice. But then I think about the women, (and the girls) too. My heart fills with compassion. Because as Christians, we put potential mothers in horrible positions…especially potential teen mothers. Really, they can’t win. We give them dirty looks for having sex out of marriage, and treat them like outcasts with their big bellies that they cannot escape. Yet when they do the unthinkable, we call them sinners even more. Where is our compassion?

Do we as Christians…as pro-lifers…really think that pointing a finger and calling someone a sinner…a murderer…will bring them closer to God? Do we think that it will bring justice for the lost life? It will not and it does not. Where is our compassion?

I’m not saying we should throw open the doors of abortion clinics and say, “Come on in!” Far from it. I don’t have any answers. But I do see grey. I can still fight for the rights of the unborn, and try to convince people to believe the way I do. But demonizing doctors and organizations and women (and girls) is not the answer.

Sometimes I think song lyrics sum up my feelings better than I can write them. So here you go:

Jesus, friend of sinners/We have strayed so far away/We cut down people in your name/But the sword was never ours to swing

…

Nobody knows what we’re for, only what we’re against/when we judge the wounded/What if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines/and loved like You did

…

You love every lost cause/You reach for the outcast/For the leper and the lame/They’re the reason that You came

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners/Open our eyes to the world/At the end of our pointing fingers/Let our hearts be led by mercy

Help us reach with open hearts/ and open doors/Oh Jesus, friend of sinners/ Break our hearts for what breaks yours

Exerpted from Jesus, Friend of Sinners by Casting Crowns

 

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Encouragement

Posted on February 5, 2012 by kimberly

I crossed this verse in my daily reading. I found it very encouraging. Coupling that with blue sky and sun streaming in the window, I’d say I’m feeling quite content at the moment.

Romans 8:38-39

For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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Special Moments

Posted on February 2, 2012 by kimberly

What makes a moment special? What makes one memorable? All I know is that there was one moment today I hope I never forget.

Elias had woken up from his nap, and I had lifted him out of the crib into my arms. He had babbled at me, and leaned into my body for a hug. I kissed him about ten times on the cheek, and carried him out to the living room area. We sat on the couch, he was on my lap facing me. The sunlight streamed through the window…actually giving off warmth on this winter day. The dust particles swirled around us, and the angle of the sun illuminated Elias’ hair so that it shone a special tint of red. He had major bed head. The back was all sticking up and out at strange curls and angles. His cheek was still pink and warm from where he had laid on it.

There was nothing extraordinary that he did or said. Nothing that would make it “special” to someone else. I just all of a sudden felt like I never wanted to forget that moment. I felt so blessed by my little boy, and started to study and memorize as many details as I could. I looked at the curl of his eyelashes, and the curve of his nose. The slight crookedness of his teeth, and the way he squinted when he turned into the sun. The feel of his skin against mine when we rubbed noses, and the weight of his body on my lap.

What makes a special moment? Maybe we can make our own.

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The Month of Letters

Posted on February 1, 2012 by kimberly

I found out about a letter writing challenge through an old friend from high school. I think I really want to try it. I’ve already missed today, so I’ll have to just send two tomorrow to make up for it.

Basically, the challenge consists of writing a letter and sending it in the mail every day this month that mail is delivered. (That is 24 days this month). Actually, the challenge doesn’t specify letters. It says you can send crafts or fabric swatches or anything you want really…The possibilities are endless!

Hand written letters are so rare these days, and they bring such joy…especially when unexpected. I’m excited to take it on!

You can find out more about the letter writing challenge here.

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January Readings

Posted on January 31, 2012 by kimberly

I’ve decided to start recording my readings on this blog as a way to finish processing what I read, and as a way to share good books. I’ve gotten lots of good book recommendations from other blogs, so I decided to try it too.

This month I read three nonfiction books and three children’s poem books. I like to keep up to date in the children’s literature so that whenever I decide to go back into teaching, I’ll be able to have the knowledge to help kids select books. Also, as a mom, I can help Elias choose books. After three nonfiction books, though, I am definitely ready for a fast paced fiction thriller, or something of the sort!

Here is what I read:

The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns

“Let my heart be broken by the things that break the heart of God.” – a prayer by Bob Pierce, founder of World Vision.

This book, written by the current president of World Vision seems to be launched from the above quote. The book will break your heart…but in a good way. It really is transformational in the way that it makes the reader see the world.

Stearns uses his own life experience to share how he came to see a hole in our gospel…the hole is basically the fact that the world’s richest do not help the world’s poorest as we are called. Think you’re not rich? Think again. An income of $50,000 makes you richer than more than 99% of the people in the world.  (I don’t think I said that very well….but you get the idea…)

At the end he gives a list of ways to look further into helping the poor…which I think I will do. A great read….be ready to be changed.

Cleopatra: A Life by Stacy Schiff

I have to admit that I tried reading this book once before about nine months ago. I abandoned it because I just didn’t know enough to really understand the book. All I knew about Cleopatra nine months ago was that she was an Egyptian Queen, and that she was for some reason connected with Mark Antony. I guess there was just a very large gap in my education there. The first time through I read to about the middle of the second chapter, and wasn’t retaining anything so I decided to come back to it another time.

After reading the Masters of Rome series by Colleen McCullough, I had plenty of background information to read the Cleopatra biography. Cleopatra is a big character in the last two books of the series. Although the series is historical fiction, I learned a lot about that period by reading it. I decided to dive into the Cleopatra biography again.

I’m glad I gave this book a second chance! The author provides a lot of details about Cleopatra’s life as well as the people who surrounded her throughout her life. Schiff also talks about discrepancies between different ancient sources, and why one may be more correct than the other.

I am amazed at how influential and powerful Cleopatra became considering she was a woman sovereign in a world full of powerful men. Although she did eventually lose Egypt to Rome, she was for awhile ruling over a very large portion of land. (For awhile) she was loved by her people.

In the end it was her lust for power which undid her. Let us hope that does not become our country’s fate in this day and age.

Every Thing On It by Shel Silverstein

When I saw that another book of Shel Silverstein poems was published, I was instantly interested. I once read that the most common book stolen from libraries is Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein. For good reason! The poems are funny, serious, thought-provoking, a play on words, and much more. Luckily my mother-in-law kindly provided me with the book for Christmas!

This collection of poems was no different than the others. It was excellent. I had a few favorites…including one which jokes about toddlers making huge messes when they feed themselves. I have new perspective on that now since I am a mother. I can’t wait until Elias can enjoy poetry with me. (We read him poetry occasionally, but he doesn’t express much appreciation).

This Place I Know: Poems of Comfort Poems Selected by Georgia Heard

I like to read children’s books and poems to stay in the loop teaching-wise, and so that I will be able to share them with my son when he is ready. Georgia Heard is the author of the text I’ll be reading for my continuing education class so I thought I’d check out some of her other work at the library. I was drawn to this collection of poems because I thought it would have a wide variety of uses.

The book is a collection of poems chosen for the words and images of grief, comfort, and hope in memory of the September 11th attacks in New York City. They were chosen especially for the school children who witnessed terrifying events that day. Each poem is paired with an illustration which was inspired by that poem.

I would recommend this book for anyone grieving, or to share with someone who you know is grieving. I could also see myself using it with my child or with my students to teach them about different emotions….especially difficult emotions like anger and sadness.

Falling Down the Page ed. by Georgia Heard

Another fun book of poems. Most of them are list poems, which is a good way to get started writing poetry, I think. I’ll probably use this book the next time I teach a poetry unit.

Simply Jesus: A New Vision of Who He Was, What He Did, and Why He Matters by N.T. Wright

I found out about this book through a different blog that I read. It sounded interesting, so I put it on hold at the library. I was not disappointed.

The book begins by trying to give the reader a bit more understanding about what it would have been like for Jesus to live where he did, when he did, and with the Romans, Herod, Jews, etc. The background/foundation he provides is very good, and it did help me understand why Jesus acted the way he did at certain times of his life.

Wright goes on to assert that Jesus ushered in the kingdom of heaven with his death and resurrection. Basically, the kingdom of heaven is not some far away land that we will get to some day. We are living in the kingdom of heaven now. God is the reigning king of earth now.

I would definitely recommend the book. It is a dense read, but worth it in the end. It definitely made me think.

 

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To You, Dear

Posted on January 27, 2012 by kimberly

I took Elias to story time at the library yesterday. I saw a husband and wife interacting. It saddened me because there was such disrespect present. Of course I don’t know anything about them except for that one quick snapshot. But, like so much else, it got me to thinking: How easy it is to take you for granted. How easy it is to blame you. How easy it is to focus on the negative. But you know what? It’s easy to see the good too. You make it easy. So I was thinking about you and praying for you this afternoon, and decided to write down some of my thoughts.

They said it would be hard…this whole marriage thing. They said that we’d have to work at our relationship. I guess in a way I see their point. But I’ve never had to work to love you. You are like my home, my resting place. You are the first one I think of when I have joy to share. You are the safe haven where I dump all my grief and sorrows. I’ve never felt judged by you…I’ve never felt self-conscious…even with my morning breath or tornado hair. I never have to worry if you will complain to your coworkers about me. I feel secure. You are an example of God’s love for me. I feel loved for who I am, not who I want to be. I feel loved by you even in the things I don’t love about myself. That is like the love of God, I think.

And I love you, too, you know. You know how I always complain about you leaving garbage in your pants pockets? Or those crumbs all over the keyboard? I do get annoyed, but I love that about you. Because it’s you. I love you because of your successes and because of your failures. I love how your interests change each week, and how you always try to do your best at work. I love how someone so sophisticated and intelligent as you also loves to get down and enjoy a good video game.

We are good partners. We move in harmony, like the song of the planets. We fit, like two pieces of the same puzzle. I can’t think of anyone better to raise our son. Watching you and Elias together fills my heart, and it overflows.

I’m not saying we don’t disagree, or trade a sharp word. But I guess what I’m saying is…. that is not what I remember day after day. I’m saying…”I’m sorry,” for taking you for granted. I’m saying…”Thank you,” for loving me. I’m saying, “I love you,” because I probably don’t say it enough.

I love you more today than the day we were married. I hope I can say that every day for the next fifty years and beyond.

 

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In Which I Choose to See Beauty

Posted on January 23, 2012 by kimberly

I look out the window toward the wetlands and see it: a big spider web. Normally I detest these. A spider web means one thing….there is a spider around somewhere. I am tempted to destroy it, knock it down. If there is no web, there is no spider…right? But then I see the way that the dew clings to the silky strings. I see the strength of the web as it holds steady in the breeze. I see the hard work that went in to something so simple as eating. I see the intricacy of the center of the web. I see beauty. I see God’s creation as it was meant to be. I grab my camera and go snap some pictures as my son looks on in confusion. I hurry back in from the cold and I talk to him for a bit about spiders and how they catch their food. I keep glancing back out the window at the web as we finish our breakfast. Now all I can see is beauty.

………..

I am in the car on the way home from running some errands. My son is in the backseat eating some goldfish which I am hoping will tide him over until we can get home and eat lunch. I am 5 or 6 cars back from the intersection at a red light. I see a man holding a sign. He is asking for money. He has a son. He has no home. These are things his sign tells me. I think to myself that I am too far back to help this man. There isn’t time to get money from my purse, and for him to walk over here to get it before the light turns…even if I wanted to give him some. The light turns green, and it is unusually short. Now I am the first car in the intersection. And the man is right there next to me. Just a few inches of metal and glass separate us. I feel squirmy and I try not to look at the man. I’m trying to decide if the squirmy feeling is guilt or maybe God’s thumb squeezing me until I do the right thing.

I look at the man and I see his eyes blinking away rain drops. I see the way his fingers are curled around the sign loosely…as though he doesn’t really want to hold it. I see the hunch of his back, the sadness and desperation. Then I try to truly see this man. Who is he? What is important to him? Where is he from? Of course I can’t know these things unless I actually talk to him…and there isn’t time for that. But I think about how this man is God’s child too, and he deserves more than the back of my head and exhaust fumes from my car. He is beautiful as are all God’s children.

I roll down the window. “Sir,” I say as I extend my hands. “I know it isn’t much, but I hope it helps.” He looks into my eyes as he takes the bill. He thanks me profusely. Then the light turns green. I press on the gas, and drive my son home for lunch. I can’t get the man’s gaze out of my head. That split second when our lives intersected. There was beauty in that man.

……..

“We need new tires,” my husband informs me. So I trudge off to Les Schwab. In case you didn’t already know….waiting anywhere with a toddler is somewhat daunting. The lady at the counter says it will be an hour and a half. I go waste some time at Starbucks and Fred Meyer, but when I get back to the waiting room there are still 45 minutes left…if the estimate was correct. I settle in for a stressful time. We read some books. I give my son some grapes, crackers, and water. We inspect the texture of the table top and the fabric on the chairs. I chase him a bit through the rows of tires and stop him from making hand prints on the glass doors. I sing him “Old McDonald,” and smile at the other people who are watching (and listening).

And then I realize. This is not bad. This is not bad at all. I have 45 minutes to be with my son. Even if it is not in the comfort of my own home where there is no one to watch and judge me as a parent. Even if there are not a lot of toys….I am with my son. I watch him toddle a ways, and I see the way his hair sticks out funny on the side. I see his eyes light up when they meet mine. I see the cracker crumbs still on his chin. I watch him spinning to the music. I watch him wander towards the door, and rush back to my side when a stranger comes his way. It is beautiful, this time I have to focus on him.

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