Sometimes I think money rules us all…especially in America. And let me be clear…I do not consider this a good thing. But since this is my own blog where I am able to write about my own thoughts and my own situation, I’m not going to write about corporate greed, or the “occupy” protests. I’m not going to write about economic inequality. I’m going to write about my own struggles with money.
Recently I’ve been feeling very cramped in our condo. I love the place. It’s so bright and airy. We bought it brand new only four years ago. It looks out onto a fake wetlands, but we get the bird calls and lush vegetation nonetheless. My son has his own room, and our kitchen has all the great appliances. I should be really happy here, right? I was when we first moved in. But now…I’m just feeling cramped.
Actually, it’s more like I’m feeling suffocated…by my own possessions. It just feels like there is “stuff” everywhere. The computer has to be right next to the dining table. Toys are mixed in with photo albums. I’m one of those people who likes everything to have a place…everything to be put away…but many of our possessions just seem to float around our house aimlessly because there is nowhere to permanently store them.
So I decided that we needed to move into a house so that we’d have more space for all of our “stuff.” Due to the housing market, and other financial circumstances, we can’t do that right now. I felt sorry for myself for awhile, but now I feel like slapping myself and saying, “wake up!”
What is wrong with me? I have a shelter to live in. I never have to worry about having enough to eat. My son his healthy and happy. There are people starving in the horn of Africa. There are children dieing every day. Why can I not be happy in my own home?
I’m done with wanting bigger and better. My problem is that I feel too crowded…too cramped….so the answer is obvious. I need to get rid of the stuff that is making me feel so suffocated. I need to rid myself of this attachment to material possessions.
Probably one of the most horrible things capitalism has done is convince us that we need all this “stuff” to be happy. We need bigger (or smaller) and faster. We need handy little gadgets and things to entertain us. But we never stop to think why.
I feel trapped by money. Trapped by the system. Trapped by my own selfishness. As I was talking to Nathan about some of my thoughts, he said he guessed that is why Jesus told people to give away all their possessions and follow him. That would give such freedom. Such space to breathe and to do good.
I think instead of plotting and thinking about how I can get us into a bigger house, I will spend my energies thinking about how to get more kids sponsored. Or how to help the poor in my own neighborhood. Or how to show my child I love him more. Those are things worth caring about. Some day I may move into a bigger house. But it won’t be because I have too much stuff.