“Crochet a scarf” is one of the items on our Smith Family Bucket List this winter. That sounds great…especially for winter…but there is only one problem with that. I didn’t know how to crochet. So last night I asked my sister-in-law to teach me. Kristy was a good teacher, but I have to admit…I didn’t have much hope for myself at the beginning. My strokes were clumsy and I could never tell what hole to stick the crochet hook through. After a little practice last night, and some this afternoon, I have a couple inches of a scarf started. You can see my work at the right. It’s not perfect, but I’m proud nonetheless.
So this afternoon when the baby went down for a nap I sat down on the couch with my crochet hook and yarn. After a row or two, I really started to get into a rhythm. I stopped having to think about each stitch so much and my mind got to wandering.
Sometimes I am my own worst critic. Sometimes I am filled with self-doubt. I am not a good enough mother. I am not a good enough wife. I am not a good enough sister or friend or Child Ambassador. I don’t clean enough or I don’t pray enough….I’ve thought it all and much more for one reason or another.
But this post isn’t about having a pity party for myself. (Sometimes I think good things about myself too) The truth is that I had a little realization as I was turning and pulling the yarn. As I worked I heard the clock ticking, the steady hum of traffic out the window, the birds in the wetlands, and the cat eating from her food bowl. I felt the soft yarn pull through my fingers, and the heat of the sun on my body.
I thought about my scarf, and how no matter what each individual stitch looked like, I’d be proud of my final product nonetheless. I thought of that verse that I’ve heard so many times:
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
(Psalm 139:13)
God loves me no matter what. Each stitch is like a day. I hope it turns out well, but if not, there is another and another and another. And I still love the whole product.
This does not make as much sense to me when I write it down in words. Maybe there was just a peaceful feeling that came over me as I sat on the couch in the sun. But I do feel like it is similar. God knit me together. Every stitch, every part, lovingly done. Every one a part of the whole.