Making Changes

Having a child changed me in many ways. But there is one which I never expected. I’ve always been passionate about helping others. I’ve always wanted to, anyway. But I contented myself with saying things like, “I’ll go on mission trips when I’m retired.”…..or “I can volunteer at the Food Bank when I don’t have young children.” I’d still like to do those things. But looking back those are such empty, cop-out, make-me-feel-good-for-the-moment kind of things to say.

Jesus didn’t start preaching the Gospel only when he felt educated enough. He didn’t heal the sick only when he was feeling good himself. He didn’t wait until his retirement to help the poor. He didn’t wait until he had enough money to travel for his missions. He trusted that God would provide.

The time is now. I think I had known that for a long time, but didn’t want to admit it to myself. Because the changes I wanted to make were hard. It would take time and courage and hard work.

But I think what pushed me over the edge was having a child. How can I expect things of Elias that I do not do myself? How can I hope that he will grow into a man of God who truly follows the teachings of Christ when I do not feel that I do so to the best of my ability? I wrestled with these questions. My soul ached for change. Then I started getting information from World Vision about the famine in the Horn of Africa. I saw pictures of malnourished and starving children and I wondered, “what if that were Elias?” How is it that I am so blessed that I do not have to worry about having enough food for my child? The children dieing over there are someone’s sons and daughters. The agony of just thinking about stepping into their shoes drove me to tears. And to be honest…tears are pouring down my face right now as I write this. I had to do something.

Nathan and I agreed that we would eat out less, and donate the extra money in our budget to World Vision’s famine fund. We did that. I also got interested in the Blood:Water Mission and also became a donor for that organization. But money is not enough. I really felt out of focus. I felt that amongst all the happiness of marriage and motherhood, something was still missing.

Then I started receiving postcards from World Vision about Child Ambassadors. I started reading up on it and I really felt that it was for me. I applied, and was accepted. So now I am responsible for finding Child Sponsors for children around the globe….and it’s amazing. I feel as if I’ve finally found a way to live out Jesus’ teachings. I don’t have to wait. I can help people now. And I am. I have a new purpose away from being a mom/teacher/wife. It’s what I’ve longed for for a great while now. I’m not saying I’m perfect my any means. I guess I’m trying to say that I think I’ve found my calling. At least for this time in my life. And I’ve responded.

I’m a huge Switchfoot fan. One of the songs on their new album really resonated with me. At the end, he sings:

Every day a choice is made/Every day I choose my fate/And I wonder why would I wait til I die to come alive?/ I’m ready now, I’m not waiting for the afterlife

Maybe the situations in the song and my life are not the exact same, but it expresses how I feel in some ways. I’m not waiting anymore. Now is the time to start making a difference.